You know, sometimes after spending hours blasting super mutants, annihilating rival civilizations, and playing ‘just one more’ game of Bejewled, one might get the urge to play something a little more spiritually rewarding. Maybe.
And that’s where Wisdom Tree Games
come in, with their line of Christian themed video games! Much like ‘Christian Rock’, ‘Christian Novels’ and any other form of popular culture that’s prefixed by ‘Christian’, Christian video games tend to be shameless rip-offs of more popular products, with biblical references inserted at random.
Wisdom Tree are most famous for their Super Nintendo game ‘Super Noah’s Ark 3D
’, which is, of all things, a modification of Wolfenstein 3D. Only instead of infiltrating a Nazi base and shooting enemy soldiers, you’re wandering through Noah’s Ark, throwing food at animals so they’ll ‘go to sleep’ and stop trying to eat Noah. I have to wonder, did they somehow acquire the Wolfenstein engine first, then have to struggle to work out what they could do with it? Or did they actually come up with the idea of a biblical animal-feeding game first, then tried to work out how to make it?
While Wisdom Tree still tries to sell Super Noah’s Ark, some of their other old games are free to play on their website
! Like King of Kings, where you play a Wise Man collecting huge quantities of frankincense while your camel kills desert wildlife by spitting at them. Camel spit is, I think, an underused theme in video games. Or Bible Buffet, which… I am utterly baffled by. It’s a rip-off of Bomberman, but with a board game thing as well, and you fight hostile vegetables while collecting other vegetables for points – and they’re often the same sort of vegetables. Is this in the bible? Maybe the apocrypha, somewhere? The Epistle of St Paul to the Evil Tomato People, or something?
Wisdom Tree’s more recent releases are just as deranged. Try ‘Jesus in Space
’ – “use the BABEL 4000 translator to figure out how to explain "baptism" to aliens who live underwater.” I’m actually vaguely intrigued by that concept. Or ‘Galilee Flyer
’, where you fly a Triplane over the sea of Galilee. No, I don’t know why either. I was thinking maybe the three wings are symbolic of the Holy Trinity, but I think I’m putting more thought into it than the designers did – they probably just licensed someone else’s triplane simulator and just changed the landscape…
I wonder with stuff like this – are the people who make it sincerely convinced that they’re making quality work? Or are they cynical enough to realise their audience will buy anything that’s bible-themed and that they’ve got no reason to do any better than low-quality rip-offs of more popular games?