Review: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

[4thofeleven]

Spoiler-Free review: Is it fun? Yes. Does it have major flaws? Sure. Is it as good as Raiders? Of course not! Is it as good as Last Crusade? You know what, I’m going to have to say ‘yes, yes it is’. Am I going to fill the spoiler section with complaints? Sure! Should they dissuade you from seeing it? No, not really. Am I inexplicably emulating Donald Rumsfield’s ‘ask a question then answer it’ speaking style? It’s scaring me as much as it is you…

Seriously, it’s a fun movie. Go see it.

 

 

Random Thoughts with Spoilers:

 - Is it just me, or is the title too long? Just “Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull” sounds better to me.

 - The old-style Paramount logo was a nice touch. Also liked that the opening credits seemed to be done in a slightly 1950s style.

 - Opening sequence: For starters, I was disappointed that the film didn’t start with a little mini-adventure like the other Indy films.

Second, I feel going back to the Raiders warehouse was thematically a mistake. The thing is, the ending of Raiders is a fantastic sequence – but the reason it’s so memorable is because it’s such a sudden genre shift, from pulp adventure to government conspiracy. The point of the warehouse is that it’s a black hole – the Ark will be stored there, along with thousands of similar items, never being looked at, never being studied, just stored out of anyone’s control. To have people later actually go to the warehouse, to actually be able to retrieve items from it – well, it drags the warehouse back into the pulp genre, and rather weakens the end of Raiders.

Also, I kinda feel that at this point, Area 51 is so played out in pulp culture that it really doesn’t work anymore if you try and use it seriously.

- Indy can survive nuclear blasts. That sounds reasonable enough to me.

Did the US really build replica towns like that for nuclear testing, with mannequins and everything? Didn’t strike me as unrealistic or anything, I’m just wondering how common they were.

- I liked that this wasn’t about Indy coming out of retirement or anything – he’s been doing stuff for the last twenty years, we just haven’t seen any of it. I kinda want to see a 40s wartime Indy film…

- The Red Scare subplot really doesn’t go anywhere. How did Indy clear his name at the end of the film? It’s not really a plot hole – he could have returned to the States to find the FBI had completed their investigation and cleared him, but it does seem a little odd to raise the issue then never go anywhere with it.

- It’s fun to have Cate Blanchett as the villain, and she seemed to be having fun with the role. Still, while it’s kinda silly to complain about two dimensional villains in an Indy film, I kind felt her character’s motivations weren’t very clear – the whole telepath/psychic warfare aspect of her character seemed to disappear at the end – I was sort of expecting her to try and get into a psychic battle of wills with the alien or something.

 - Shia LaBeouf’s character is surprising non-terrible, and the revelation that he’s Indy’s son actually works pretty well. I’m rather surprised by how much I liked the character. Little disappointed that his comb never ended up solving any puzzles… *grin*
The vine swinging with monkeys bit was stupid, though.

 - I don’t know if Soviets make a good replacement for Nazis. I know both the US and the USSR was doing a lot of research into psychic energy and other paranormal crack-pottery during the cold war, but they just never seemed as into it as the Nazis were into the occult. I guess the Soviets worked well enough, but it would have been kinda neat if a bunch of surviving Nazis in exile in South America had shown up somewhere.

 - Having Karen Allen’s character come back raises this movie a whole extra star in my opinion. I remain convinced that the main reason people dislike Temple of Doom is disappointment that she’s not in it…

- Ray Winstone’s character felt like it could have been cut entirely. I was never convinced that he and Indy were old friends, and none of his betrayals end up particularly affecting the story. I do not see why him pointing a gun at Indy in the warehouse particularly changes the situation from the entire Russian army group pointing guns at him… The only important thing he does is lead the Russians from the waterfall to Akator, and it’s not like Indy and co. were being particularly stealthy there. As for his death – you gotta pick either greed or self-sacrifice as a motivation, you can’t try and do both…

 - In hindsight, the backstory doesn’t actually make a damn bit of sense. Let me see if I have it all straight. Oxley find the Crystal Skull at the conquistador’s grave. He uses it to find Akator (?), goes crazy there, then returns the skull to the grave before being thrown into an asylum in Peru. At some point, he also manages to write a letter in Mayan with directions to the conquistador’s grave. Then Soviets break him out of there, then capture Indy in Mexico and go to the US to retrieve the remains of one of the Roswell aliens (?!).

Huh? Why did Oxley return the skull to where he found it, rather than to the aliens? What was the significance of the Roswell alien’s body? Did I misunderstand, and Oxley had never been to Akator before? How the hell did the conquistadors even end up with a severed alien head in the first place? I feel like I’m missing something.

 - The natives of Akator probably could have been cut entirely. They end up posing less of an obstacle than the fire ants, and then the Russians kill them all. Are the guys that attack Indy at the conquistador’s grave meant to be the same people? I was expecting them to show up at the end, having been secretly following Indy the whole time so they could reclaim their lost city, not that they’d been living there all along. Would have been nice if Indy could have used his linguistic knowledge to communicate with them.

- Indy has a bad feeling about something. Cute.

- I kinda feel having them find live aliens at Akator was a mistake. Ruins and alien artefacts? Cool. A living alien? Not so much. And what’s with the dimensional portal? I know, I know, it’s a common theme in UFO mythology, but I’ve never understood it – isn’t it enough to just have aliens and spaceships, rather than aliens and spaceships from another dimension!

- “Their real treasure was knowledge!” Inexplicably, Indy fails to follow up this line with “Good thing we got out of there before we learned anything from them!”

- I think the main flaw of the movie is the ending, and the Crystal Skull itself. Now, I used to be pretty into paranormal stuff when I was a kid, and the only reason I’ve even heard of crystal skulls is because they were in one episode of Stargate. They really don’t have the mythic resonance or pop-cultural influence of the Holy Grail or the Ark of the Covenant, and that really weakens the ending. Open the Ark of the Covenant and get your face melted by the wrath of God? Sure, makes sense. Return the Crystal Skull to the Lost City and get vaporised by the hive mind alien skeletons and your remains scattered across another dimension? The hell?!

I mean, hey, maybe if you’re a big UFO nut, that makes perfect sense, but I kinda feel that Lucas and Spielberg somewhat overestimated how well known their MacGuffin was…