David Newgreen (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
4thofeleven) wrote2008-10-18 12:59 am
4thofeleven) wrote2008-10-18 12:59 am
Entry tags:
Watching the Star Wars Holiday Special for the First Time
Friend: You know, when you said that there was meant to be a lot of Wookiees in this, I wasn’t expecting, you know, this much Wookiee material.
Me: Neither was I… neither was I.
F: Why is there a holographic gymnastics sequence?
M: Huh. I’m kind of surprised at how quickly this went off the rails – especially since I thought having the first ten minutes be entirely in untranslated Wookiee was going off the rails.
F: We’re not even watching the gymnasts – we’re watching the creepy Wookiee kid watching the gymnasts.
M: This Imperial officer seems to be acting far too sinister for someone just buying a razor.
F: Imagine how sinister he is when he’s on duty!
M: I’m not sure why Luke thinks “You know them, anything could have happened!” is reassuring.
F: This is porn, right? There’s no other possible interpretation except that this is meant to be VR porn.
M: Who did the writers think was the intended audience of this thing? That’s not rhetorical, I cannot understand what they could be thinking.
F: Leia still hasn’t learned Wookiee? How long has she known Chewbacca by now?
M: Leia’s pretty racist when you get down to it. Right now, she’s presumably somewhere between calling them ‘big walking carpets’ and using ‘I’d just as soon kiss a Wookiee’ as a put down.
F: Point.
F: Huh – the Imperial guy’s actually getting into this song.
M: Nah, it’s audience participation. He’s enjoying the suffering of *us*, forced to listen to the song!
F: Wow – that’s pretty evil.
F: Did the quality of this tape just drop even further, or is this a cartoon?
M: It’s a cartoon… why is R2 made of jelly?
M: Boba Fett should always ride a Plesiosaur. Tell me that wouldn’t have improved the Empire Strikes Back.
F: WHAT THE HELL DID THEY DO TO HAN SOLO?!
M: I guess… um… maybe they somehow didn’t have the rights to Harrison Ford’s image for the cartoon? Or any other human’s image either?
F: It’s such a shame to see great actors like the slug-headed guy wasted on material like this.
M: I like that they came up with this whole musical sequence in the Mos Eisley Cantina, couldn’t work it into the Wookiee plot, so they came up with the logical justification that it’s some sort of Imperial propaganda video.
F: Maybe it’s the Imperial version of the Two Minutes Hate.
M: I do feel like taking out my aggression on someone after watching this.
F: Why do they say “May the Force be with you?”. They’re not Jedi.
M: It’s a generic good wishes phrase.
F: But nobody knows about the Force in this era – it’s been suppressed by the Empire.
M: Maybe Chewie’s secretly a Jedi. He doesn’t flaunt it like Obi-Wan, but he can still use the Force and knows about it.
F: Why’s Han all sceptical about the Jedi in A New Hope, then?
M: Private joke between him and Chewie.
F: Makes sense – explains why the Millennium Falcon’s got a lightsaber training remote on board. And why Obi-Wan was so sure they needed to hire Chewie’s ship!
M: Luke probably never learned how to make a new lightsaber – he just borrowed one off Chewie in RotJ!
F: Wookiees should not wear robes.
M: Is that… is she singing to the Star Wars theme?
F: Man, it’s a shame they couldn’t get James Earl Jones in to sing along to Vader’s theme.
F: I’m surprised this thing has closing credits. I imagined everyone involved would want their name taken off this.
M: Written, directed and produced by Alan Smithee?
F: Staring Alan Smithee as Luke, Han, Leia, Chewie, C-3PO and R2-D2.
Me: Neither was I… neither was I.
F: Why is there a holographic gymnastics sequence?
M: Huh. I’m kind of surprised at how quickly this went off the rails – especially since I thought having the first ten minutes be entirely in untranslated Wookiee was going off the rails.
F: We’re not even watching the gymnasts – we’re watching the creepy Wookiee kid watching the gymnasts.
M: This Imperial officer seems to be acting far too sinister for someone just buying a razor.
F: Imagine how sinister he is when he’s on duty!
M: I’m not sure why Luke thinks “You know them, anything could have happened!” is reassuring.
F: This is porn, right? There’s no other possible interpretation except that this is meant to be VR porn.
M: Who did the writers think was the intended audience of this thing? That’s not rhetorical, I cannot understand what they could be thinking.
F: Leia still hasn’t learned Wookiee? How long has she known Chewbacca by now?
M: Leia’s pretty racist when you get down to it. Right now, she’s presumably somewhere between calling them ‘big walking carpets’ and using ‘I’d just as soon kiss a Wookiee’ as a put down.
F: Point.
F: Huh – the Imperial guy’s actually getting into this song.
M: Nah, it’s audience participation. He’s enjoying the suffering of *us*, forced to listen to the song!
F: Wow – that’s pretty evil.
F: Did the quality of this tape just drop even further, or is this a cartoon?
M: It’s a cartoon… why is R2 made of jelly?
M: Boba Fett should always ride a Plesiosaur. Tell me that wouldn’t have improved the Empire Strikes Back.
F: WHAT THE HELL DID THEY DO TO HAN SOLO?!
M: I guess… um… maybe they somehow didn’t have the rights to Harrison Ford’s image for the cartoon? Or any other human’s image either?
F: It’s such a shame to see great actors like the slug-headed guy wasted on material like this.
M: I like that they came up with this whole musical sequence in the Mos Eisley Cantina, couldn’t work it into the Wookiee plot, so they came up with the logical justification that it’s some sort of Imperial propaganda video.
F: Maybe it’s the Imperial version of the Two Minutes Hate.
M: I do feel like taking out my aggression on someone after watching this.
F: Why do they say “May the Force be with you?”. They’re not Jedi.
M: It’s a generic good wishes phrase.
F: But nobody knows about the Force in this era – it’s been suppressed by the Empire.
M: Maybe Chewie’s secretly a Jedi. He doesn’t flaunt it like Obi-Wan, but he can still use the Force and knows about it.
F: Why’s Han all sceptical about the Jedi in A New Hope, then?
M: Private joke between him and Chewie.
F: Makes sense – explains why the Millennium Falcon’s got a lightsaber training remote on board. And why Obi-Wan was so sure they needed to hire Chewie’s ship!
M: Luke probably never learned how to make a new lightsaber – he just borrowed one off Chewie in RotJ!
F: Wookiees should not wear robes.
M: Is that… is she singing to the Star Wars theme?
F: Man, it’s a shame they couldn’t get James Earl Jones in to sing along to Vader’s theme.
F: I’m surprised this thing has closing credits. I imagined everyone involved would want their name taken off this.
M: Written, directed and produced by Alan Smithee?
F: Staring Alan Smithee as Luke, Han, Leia, Chewie, C-3PO and R2-D2.
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