I like to follow American politics, both because the outcome tends to disproportionately affect Australia - hopefully less so now that Howard's finally gone - and also because it tends to be a lot more entertaining that Australian politics. We just don't seem to get the same quality of crackpots that the US gets, despite valiant efforts by individuals such as Pauline Hanson or Fred Nile.
For example: Mike Huckabee, former governor of Arkansas and now potential Republican presidential candidate. Now, by all rights, someone named 'Huckabee' has no right trying to run for President without first changing his name to something slightly less ridiculous. In a cunning political ploy, however, Huckabee has opted to draw attention from his hilariously terrible name by distracting the electorate with a series of hilariously terrible public statements, such as in 2006 when he joked that his weight loss was the result of being held in a
concentration camp, and then seemed surprised when Jewish groups criticized him. After all, he didn't say it was a
Nazi concentration camp; he could have been making a hilarious reference to the Boer War!
If you check his
campaign site, you can learn all about his policies and ideas, and decide for yourself if he's more or less of a horrible person than the other candidates. On the plus side, he didn't consider
leaving his wife when she was diagnosed with cancer! On the downside, there's something kinda creepy about someone proudly informing you that he wouldn't have left his wife had she lost the use of her legs. I mean, yes, that's good - but it's good in the same way that 'not assaulting passers-by' is good. It's not something to be proud of in and of itself... Plus, she recovered from the cancer after all, so basically he's saying that
hypothetically he wouldn't be a complete asshole to a paralysed woman.
He also has a
tax policy! Well, a 'get rid of taxes policy', but that's a
kind of tax policy. It's called FairTax, so you
know it's going to be fair! I mean, why would he call it that if it wasn't fair? That would be insane! FairTax would be "like waving a magic wand releasing us from pain and unfairness." Wow! A magic wand!
OK, little tip here, Mr. Huckabee: You use the term 'magic wand' to mock other people's policies, not to talk up your own. For example:
"Oh, so you'll wave a magic wand and withdraw from Iraq and then everything will magically get better, huh?" - GOOD! Mocks other person's policy by implying it lacks any real mechanism for achieving the desired outcome.
"And then I'll wave a magic wand and a fair tax system will magically appear and everyone will get a talking pony!" - BAD! Makes it sound like you don't actually have a policy, just a soundbite - and a ridiculous sounding one at that.
You see? It's not that complicated a rhetorical device!
Mike Huckabee polls well amongst fairy princesses, people who's spouses left them because they have cancer, and people with funny names. He also polls well with Christian
Evangelicals, who believe that Mike Huckabee's election will fulfill the prophesy of Armageddon.