On the Plus Side, I Haven't Seen Anyone Defending this Dork

[4thofeleven]

So, the Breast thing.

It’s been all over my friends list, and probably all over yours too. All the witty things have already been said, but if the internet’s for anything, it’s for throwing out your own unasked-for opinions, so here’s mine…

See, here’s the thing. I’m a guy, I can’t speak on behalf of women in general, and I don’t want to sound like one of those guys that claims to totally understand someone else’s oppression because of some trivial pain he once suffered… but I can speak for my own experiences, and why I personally found the whole open source groping idea pretty offensive.

Now, see, I’ve got pretty long hair – longer than shoulder length. And because we’re not ancient Spartans – who considered long hair the symbol of a free man – a lot of people assume I’m a woman if they can only see the back of my head. And sometimes it’s kinda funny, like when other guys toot their horns at me when I’m walking down the street, only to realise when they pass me that they’ve tooted at *gasp, horror* another man!

And sometimes it’s not so fun, like when some guy tries to grab my ass in a pub, or when it’s some drunk lunatic on the train late at night and I don’t know whether to turn around and let him see I’m a guy and take my chances on how he’ll react, or let him continue making obscene comments at the back of my head.

And I’m not saying this sort of stuff happens all the time to me, but it’s not exactly rare either. And it would probably be more common, except I don’t go to pubs very often, and I try not to ride the trains late at night. And, of course, this can only happen in situations when other guys can only see the back of my head, and can’t hear my voice. So I’m assuming actual women have to go through this shit ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

So, you know, here’s the point that theferrett manages to completely miss, because he’s either a pod-person from Mars, completely oblivious of the nature and history of gender relations among us Earth-people, or, more likely, because he just didn’t think about things from anyone’s perspective but his own: See, he sees the problem as “I’m not touching enough breasts”. Fair enough, it’s a problem I can relate to. What he somehow failed to realise while he was excitedly telling the entire internet about his brilliant new solution to the world’s sexual problems is that, well, for most women, they’re probably not going to see the problem as being “Not enough people are touching my breasts.” 

And the problem sure as hell isn’t "Groping women isn’t being encouraged enough in public places.”

Comments

[sunnyskywalker]

I'm sorry you have to go through that, but I'm also SO RELIEVED to know a guy who doesn't need ten thousand women to explain why getting groped in public places by strangers isn't automatically fun and flattering. Because gah, what about our preferences in who touches us? Why is it supposed to be so empowering to become every guy's fantasy-fulfillment, O Ferret? Just because you want to touch me does not mean that I am repressed and frigid if I tell you to stay away; it means I'm a person who doesn't want the world at large to consider me public property.

Sorry to go off ranting. I just have horrible memories of this guy in high school greeting my breasts every morning (only verbally, thankfully) and all sorts of other crap like that. Even my friends thought it was a hilarious and harmless game to throw things down my shirt. And the thing is, if you asked me whether I experienced a lot of sexual harassment, my automatic response would probably be, "No. Oh, except for that guy. And that middle-aged supervisor who kept calling me 'sweeatheart' and 'darling' and putting his hand on my shoulder when advising me on something. And those guys, two of them strangers, who crashed my apartment one night and would not leave, didn't understand why I didn't want to go for a ride with them, asked if my lotion could be used as a sexual lubricant, and said I would too be able to get work in the porn industry. And... hmm, maybe I answered too soon." So yes, ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

I know the Ferret has since apologized, but I still think he should dress up as a woman and spend a few weeks that way just so he really gets it.

ETA: I really didn't mean to just rant. Really, thanks for... well, for thinking, really. I mean it when I say it's a relief just knowing there are guys out there who get it and actively try to consider what it's like from the other side.

[4thofeleven.livejournal.com]

I guess the best thing that's come out of this idiocy is that it has forced some people to actually think about things... Like you said, the problem is that most people will automatically say "Nah, I don't have it that bad.", because, hey, it's not like any single incident was that bad, and you don't want to sound like you're whining about nothing...

[sunnyskywalker]

Exactly. And it gets frustrating to have to explain this over and over to the ferrets of the world, but it is good that at least a few people each time stop and think. Little things like that can make more of a difference than it seems at first.